Family

Today I learned that my Uncle died. There were no tears on my part. Some sadness for sure, but in the big scheme of things there will be very little impact on my life. I don't say this in a cruel manner, but just as a reality. I have not seen or spoken to my Uncle in, I am guessing, over 20 years. My children do not know who he is. It's hard to explain to kids that they have aunts and uncles that they have never met. Especially since they have never met their grandparents, the brother and sister of these aunts and uncles. There is no context for them. What do I say? This is grandma, whom you've never met. And this is her sister, who you've also never met. Yes, she's my Aunt but I haven't spoken to her since before you were born. Why? Because families fall apart when the glue that binds them is missing. The glue? That would be Grandma, my mother. The lynch pin in family dynamics. My fathers side of the family has done better at keeping us in the the family, so to speak. Mainly because Aunt Ali took the charge. But my Mom's side, not so much. I think there was too much dysfunction in their own family circles to contend with keeping us in too, especially after Cioci and Grandma died. So, we drifted apart. So far so that the news of my Uncles' death is sad, but not devastating. And truth be told, most of my sadness is selfish. From feeling sad for my kids, for how small their family circle has become. It is most certainly not the childhood I grew up with. Aunts and Uncles and Cousins at every holiday and summer barbecue. Sunday dinner at Grandmas. Now, don't misunderstand, I am not saying that these family events were always a good thing, because a large portion of my family is c-razy! However, they did provide a sense of tradition that I think my kids miss out on, especially now that we have moved. Fortunately, we have friends that expand our circle. Friends that they call Aunt and Uncle and Cousin. Because for them it's not about blood. It's about who they feel loved by. Either way, I am thankful for everyone who makes them feel loved. Hopefully there will be no more 'unknown relatives' in their lives.